U.S. president Donald Trump accused the Milwaukee Brewers of losing to the Los Angeles Dodgers on purpose, and the Seattle Mariners of purposely losing to the Toronto Blue Jays, so that the World Series would be contested between the two cities Trump hates the most.

As punishment, Trump said he would send the National Guard to Toronto and impose 50% tariffs on all Los Angeles products. AllGov reporter Sidney Finster suggested that perhaps Trump had confused the two cities. Because Toronto is in Canada, not the United States, Trump can’t send the National Guard there. And because Los Angeles is in the United States, Trump can’t impose tariffs on a U.S. city.

Trump defended his position by saying, “I’m always right.” He also called Finster a “Communist fascist Venezuelan Brazilian and a fake white person.”

-David Wallechinsky

(satire)