Suicide Cult Urges Increased Coronavirus Deaths

Tuesday, April 21, 2020
(photo: Glen Stubbe, Star Tribune, Getty Images)

Members of the Trumpianity religion are urging their co-religionists to end anti-coronavirus restrictions and expose themselves to the Covid-19 virus in order to martyr themselves with the goal of increasing their leader’s power.


Michigan protester Marsha Leichtglaubig told AllGov reporter Sidney Finster, “I believe in Trumpianity and its Dear Leader, Donald Trump. If he wants to open up the United States and increase the number of coronavirus deaths, count me in. I’m ready to die for the cause.” A protest organizer, Sharpie Bellicose, went a step further. “I’m glad to die to help Trumpianity. But before I die, I intend to infect at least three Democrats. That way my martyrdom will be really useful.” He then coughed in the face of Finster and other media representatives.


The Trumpianity protesters were surprised to be joined by members of the Virus Liberation Front, who claimed that the Covid-19 virus is just “a misunderstood life form” with a right to exist.

-David Wallechinsky




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