Speaking to the media, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said, “The catastrophic damage that has been done to our state is the fault of Hunter Biden—I mean Joe Biden. Consequently, as soon as federal aid dollars arrive, we will use it to ship the floodwaters to Democratic states so they can deal with it. We will also send them the debris.

“In addition, we will deport out-of-staters who have lost their homes. We know the real reason so many people from New York, Massachusetts, Illinois, New Jersey, Indiana, Ohio and Michigan have immigrated to Florida is to overwhelm our voter rolls with Democratic voters. These immigrants do not deserve to stay in our wonderful state. Voting in Florida should be limited only to people born in Florida—like me.”

When a reporter pointed out that DeSantis’ parents immigrated to Florida from Ohio, DeSantis explained, “So what?”

-David Wallechinsky

(satire)