In a series of tweets, Trump said, “I’m sorry I didn’t act sooner and I’m sorry that I’ve pushed to open up the country before the pandemic is under control. As you know, I’ve added my name to the stimulus checks that Americans have received. Now I’ve asked to add my name to the death certificates of all Americans who die of the coronavirus from now on.”   read more

All over the United States, hospitals were swamped with people wanting the new Anti-Stupid Leader Vaccine, which eliminates all images of Donald Trump, replacing them with photos of forests and streams, and replaces all his words with the sound of birds singing or babies giggling. Massive street parties were reported in Hungary and Belarus, while citizens of Great Britain and France anxiously waited to see if the vaccine worked against leaders who are merely ridiculous.   read more

Members of the Trumpianity religion are urging their co-religionists to end anti-coronavirus restrictions and expose themselves to the Covid-19 virus in order to martyr themselves with the goal of increasing their leader’s power. A protest organizer, Sharpie Bellicose, went a step further. “I’m glad to die to help Trumpianity. But before I die, I intend to infect at least three Democrats. That way my martyrdom will be really useful.”   read more

With a face as straight as Ken Starr’s, Trump asked Palestinians to adopt laws “protecting against financial and political corruption.” He did this while standing next to Benjamin Netanyahu, who, that same day, had been indicted on charges of bribery, fraud and breach of trust in three different cases of corruption.   read more

President Donald Trump announced that he will be creating a new religion, Trumpianity, which will be aligned with mainstream Evangelical Christianity, but will be overlaid with his own teachings. Trump tweeted that he is infallible and everything he says has to be believed. People who disagree with him will be considered heretics, and Christians who refuse to convert to Trumpianity will be treated as apostates. “I like the way they do it in Saudi Arabia,” Trump explained.   read more

After Sen. Bernie Sanders was hospitalized for a heart attack, some commentators questioned whether this disqualified him from being president of the United States. However, many political leaders have successfully continued their work after surviving heart attacks. Here are 5 notable examples, including two presidents of the United States and one vice-president of the United States.   read more

Sources close to President Donald Trump report that in updating his will, in case of his death while in office, he has given the White House and the presidency of the United States to his daughter, Ivanka. When Trump’s lawyers explained that the United States Constitution guarantees presidential elections, Trump came up with his definitive argument: “So what? Who’s going to stop me?” (satire)   read more

President Donald Trump announced via Twitter, after a prayer session with Vice-President Mike Pence and Trump’s spiritual advisor, Franklin Graham, that God told him to deport his wife, Melania. “We’ve been deporting legal citizens because they lied back when they arrived in the US,” wrote Trump. “Melania worked as a model before she received a work permit. Send her back.”   read more

President Donald Trump has issued an executive order banning the use of Arabic numerals by the federal government and replacing all numbers with Roman numerals. In a live television interview with campaign advisor Sean Hannity, Trump argued that it’s necessary to stop the infiltration of American life by Muslim culture and Sharia law. His reelection campaign will now be known as Trump MMXX. His MAGA caps will be rebranded as Make America GVIII Again.   read more

Of all the dictatorships in the world, President Donald Trump has zeroed in on creating regime change—by economic sanctions and/or war—in just two: Venezuela and Iran. He and his team have tried to convince Americans that these two countries are the biggest threats to U.S. national security. This is a real stretch, particularly in the case of Venezuela. So, what is really motivating Trump? Take a look at this chart   read more

On September 21, 1998, President Bill Clinton testified on video in response to charges that he had lied about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky and had attempted to obstruct justice. This testimony, which lasted more than four hours, is still available on the internet. In a space of 21 years, we went from a videotaped interview that was released to the public; to an in-person interview without a video, audio or written record; to no in-person interview whatsoever.   read more

Without using the word “impeachment,” Mueller and his team bluntly present the evidence that Trump has committed multiple impeachable offenses. Mueller considers eleven possible areas of obstruction. In some cases, Mueller writes that the acts do not rise to the level of legal obstruction of justice. But the majority do.   read more

Back in 2006, I wrote a book called Tyrants: The World’s 20 Worst Living Dictators. I gave the dubious honor of first place to Omar al-Bashir of Sudan. Now, 13 years later, Bashir has finally been overthrown. Unfortunately, the man who led the military coup that overthrew Bashir is General Awad ibn Ouf, who, since 2006, has been financially sanctioned by the U.S. government for his role in the genocidal attacks carried out in the Darfur region of Sudan.   read more

Attorney General William Barr’s four-page summary of the Mueller Report (which he now says was not a “summary”) included a grand total of 65 words from the report itself and zero complete sentences. What if the context of the first and last excerpts are…   read more

U.S. President Donald Trump tweeted that the time has come to remove all Superman comic books from libraries and shops and all Superman movies from all sources because “they glorify an illegal alien.”   read more

Iran’s foreign ministry spokesperson, Bahram Ghasemi, explained the sudden change. “We offered Trump land to build a residential tower in Tehran and a second one in Isfahan with a promise that the tenants would not be allowed to change the buildings’ names from Trump Tower for ten years upon threat of death."   read more

“Why should we treat the United States differently than we do Venezuela?” asked German Chancellor Angela Merkel? She added that it was time for Trump to “do the right thing and call for new elections.” Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez told reporters, “We are working for the return of full democracy in the United States: human rights, fair elections, and no more imprisonment of children.”   read more