It’s Time to Put an End to Taxes

Date: Sunday, August 1, 2010 2:05 AM
Category: Allgov Blogs

Nobody likes taxes. The problem is that the United States government needs money—lots of it—to do all the things we want it to do. So we tend to think of taxes as unpleasant necessities. I believe we can eliminate taxes completely. We just need to be more aggressive about creating new sources of revenue. Here are a few suggestions:

 
Sell Advertising on Paper Money
Take a look at a dollar bill. See that blank border that surrounds the designs on the front and back? There are dozens of companies that would pay huge sums of money to insert their logos and slogans into that space. Why bother with television commercials that last 30 seconds or newspaper ads that are read once and thrown away when you can sell your product on a piece of paper that consumers fondle lovingly? I know that some so-called purists may consider this a desecration of an American icon, but let’s be honest—the symbolism is perfect: use money to make money.
 
Reinstitute the Draft and Allow Paid Exemptions
During the Civil War, draftees in the North were able to avoid service by paying the government $300. Let’s do it again. Raise the price to $3000, draft everyone between the ages of 16 and 60 and we would probably raise $300 billion. Does it seem unfair that we would end up with an Army consisting almost entirely of poor people? That’s pretty much what we have now anyway, so why not make a little money on it?
 
Sell Nights at the White House
Right now the only way to gain personal access to the President of the United States is to contribute lots of money to the campaign coffers of the president’s party. Instead of giving this money to the Democrats or the Republicans, let’s demand that it go to the U.S. government. President Bill Clinton sold the privilege of sleeping in the Lincoln Bedroom. Why limit the program to something so simple? How about selling rides with the president on Air Force One? Or attending cabinet meetings? Or sitting in on a top secret security briefing?
 
Create a National Presidential Access Lottery
Why should the above-mentioned examples of presidential access be limited to rich people? Make them prizes in a national lottery and bring equality to the world of corruption. Runners-up could dine with members of the Supreme Court, the cabinet and Congress. The 500th person to have his or her name drawn could lunch with the vice-president.
 
Sell Naming Rights to Famous Buildings, National Parks and Warships
It works with sports stadiums; why not try it with government-owned buildings and other federal possessions? How much would Goldman Sachs pay for the White House or AT&T for the Grand Canyon or Lockheed Martin for the Pentagon?
 
Sell Invasion Insurance to Dictatorships
The United States spends almost as much money on our military as all the other nations of the world combined. This is an enormous drain on our national budget and we don’t get much in return for all the money we spend. Currently, the U.S. tries to intimidate other nations, such as Iran, by threatening to invade them. Instead, let’s just charge each dictatorship in the world an annual fee in exchange for the promise to not bomb them.
 
Create a Royal Family
Royal families, when handled properly, are a profitable institution. Take a look at the British royal family. They sell tons of royal family memorabilia—and the British are not as good at marketing as Americans are. The key is to choose a family that is dignified, yet prone to scandal. The Bushes and the Clintons are the obvious choices, but too many of their family members are involved in politics. A profitable royal family has to be powerless. Both the Bushes and the Clintons are too dangerous because they might try to develop into a real royal family. Perhaps we could induce LeBron James to mate with Paris Hilton.
 
These are just a few ideas for creating revenue. Feel free to add your suggestions and together let’s eliminate taxes and make the federal government pay its own way.
-David Wallechinsky

Latest News

Morocco’s Ambassador to the United States: Who Is Lalla Joumala Alaoui?

Lalla Joumala served for a time as an executive at Bank Al Maghrib, but turned her focus to diplomacy in the late 1990s. She served briefly as an attaché at Morocco’s mission to the UN in New York, and led her country’s delegation to the UN session on HIV/AIDS. Lalla Joumala founded the Moroccan-British Society, promoting improved relations between the two countries, in 2003. She later took over as ambassador to the United Kingdom, where she served until being tapped for the U.S. post.   read more

Ambassador of Togo to the United States: Who Is Frédéric Hegbe?

Presenting his credentials to President Trump in April 2017, Hegbe expressed his country’s desire to work with the U.S. in the context of the African Growth Opportunity Act and the Millennium Challenge Corp, perhaps not knowing that Trump intends to cut foreign aid substantially. Hegbe has served as chargé d’affaires at Togo’s embassy in Washington since 1993, including a stint as interim chief of mission. He also worked for the State Dept’s Foreign Service Institute, where he taught French.   read more

Undersecretary for Intelligence and Analysis: Who Is Dave Glawe?

No sooner did Glawe take over as DHS acting undersecretary in January than he found himself forced to defend President Trump’s proposed travel ban on Muslims from seven nations. Then came the leak of a report, created under his direction, from the Office of Intelligence and Analysis that disagreed with the premise of Trump’s travel ban that citizens of the seven countries posed a special threat. Trump officials emphasized that the report was a draft and not final.   read more

Qatar’s Ambassador to the United States: Who Is Meshal bin Hamad Al-Thani?

In June, shortly after Al-Thani’s arrival in Washington as Qatar's ambassador, Saudi Arabia, the UAE, Egypt and Bahrain moved to sever relations with Qatar, supposedly for financing terrorism. President Trump tweeted his support for the action, leaving Al-Thani, whose country hosts the largest U.S. military base in the Middle East, puzzled. “It’s unfortunate to see these tweets,” Al-Thani said. “We have close coordination with the U.S. They know our efforts to combat...terrorism.”   read more

Ambassador of the U.S. to New Zealand and Samoa: Who Is Scott Brown?

After 10 years as a male model and seven years of law practice, Brown entered politics when he was elected to several city positions in Wrentham, Mass. He later served multiple terms as a Republican in the Massachusetts House of Representatives. In 2010, Brown shocked the political world by winning a special election to fill the remainder of Sen. Edward M. Kennedy’s unfinished term, after Kennedy died. Brown lasted only two years in the Senate before losing his seat to Elizabeth Warren in 2012.   read more
see more...