Republicans Release Presidential Policy Platform

Date: Monday, August 3, 2015 1:10 PM
Category: Allgov Blogs

In a move that caught the media by surprise, the Republican National Committee (RNC) announced that it had gotten the approval of every one of the 17 leading declared Republican presidential candidates to publish a comprehensive platform for the 2016 elections.

 

“The Democrats are always accusing us of not setting forth a positive agenda for America if our candidate wins the White House,” said RNC Chairman Reince Priebus. “This should put an end to that criticism.”

 

Here is the full platform as distributed to the media by the RNC.

 

Terrorism and National Security

It’s a scary world out there and it’s Hillary Clinton’s fault. We need the government to protect us from all sorts of frightening enemies and Hillary can’t do that because she’s secretly on their side.

 

Jobs and the Economy

It’s Hillary’s fault that some Americans are unemployed or underpaid and if she’s elected, it will be even worse.

 

Health Care

It’s Hillary’s fault that people get sick and that medicine and treatment cost so much.

 

Immigration

It’s Hillary’s fault that brown-skinned people come to our country illegally and take all the worst, lowest-paying jobs.

 

Budget Deficit

It’s Hillary’s fault that the government spends more money than it collects in taxes and fees.

 

Moral Values

It’s Hillary’s fault that her husband committed adultery. If she’s elected, lots of people will commit adultery and families will fall apart.

 

AllGov Washington editor Sidney Finster was able to land a brief one-on-one interview with RNC spokesman Douglas Neidermeyer.

 

“I told him I was a bit confused by the Republican platform,” said Finster, “because it didn’t actually mention a single policy proposal. Neidermeyer seemed irritated by my question and treated me like I was politically naïve.

 

“This is an election,” he explained. “Elections aren’t about policy; they’re about personality…and fear. If you want to know about our policies, you’ll have to wait until after the election.”

 

Finster also contacted Hillary Clinton’s campaign. Her media department declined to be interviewed, but one PR specialist did agree to answer a few questions by email with a promise of anonymity.

 

“The Republican platform positions are absurd,” she said, “although we do agree that presidential elections are not about policy, but about personality and fear. Because American voters are much more likely to vote against a candidate rather than for a candidate, we intend to concentrate on being as vague as possible about what Hillary intends to do once she becomes president. It’s a challenge to keep up vagueness for more than a year, but we’re counting on the TV networks to help us.”

 

Finster then asked what will be the major themes of the Hillary Clinton campaign.

 

“Oh, we’ll say a lot of things,” the spokeswoman said, but really our argument to swing voters is a simple one: ‘Do you want a Republican to choose the next couple Supreme Court justices?’ That’s about it.”

 

 

-David Wallechinsky

Latest News

Right to Abortion Ends in the U.S….Thanks to the Electoral College

Five of the six justices who voted to end the right to abortion were nominated by two presidents, George W. Bush and Donald Trump, both of whom lost the popular vote, but became president, despite finishing in second place, thanks to the Electoral College system.   read more

Another Way of Looking at the French Election: Le Pen Lost to None of the Above

Final Results Emmanuel Macron: 18,779,812 Abstentions: 13,655,960 Marine Le Pen: 13,297,719 Blancs and Nuls: 3,018,999   read more

Why I’m Not Going to the Beijing Winter Olympics

I have attended 19 Olympics, Summer and Winter, usually as a radio or television commentator. The last one I missed was the Calgary Winter Games in 1988. I was granted access to the 2022 Beijing Winter Games, but I will not be going. I am not going because I do not feel comfortable with the intrusive “surveillance bubble” imposed on visitors by the Chinese government.   read more

Marjorie Taylor Greene, in Reversal, Promotes Vaccinations

Greene explained, "Most victims of Covid are not vaccinated and most of them are Republicans. It’s clear that Democrats have infiltrated the anti-vax, anti-mask movement in order to kill off as many Republicans as possible."   read more

Why Do They Hate Us? A 20-Year Update

In the days following the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, many people I spoke with simply could not understand why anyone, anywhere, would not like Americans, even if it was just a few dozen fanatics. In one form or another, they asked: Why do they hate us? Back in 2001, I tried to address this question in a short essay I wrote one month after the attacks.   read more
see more...