In a series of tweets, Trump said, “I’m sorry I didn’t act sooner and I’m sorry that I’ve pushed to open up the country before the pandemic is under control. As you know, I’ve added my name to the stimulus checks that Americans have received. Now I’ve asked to add my name to the death certificates of all Americans who die of the coronavirus from now on.”read more
All over the United States, hospitals were swamped with people wanting the new Anti-Stupid Leader Vaccine, which eliminates all images of Donald Trump, replacing them with photos of forests and streams, and replaces all his words with the sound of birds singing or babies giggling. Massive street parties were reported in Hungary and Belarus, while citizens of Great Britain and France anxiously waited to see if the vaccine worked against leaders who are merely ridiculous.read more
Members of the Trumpianity religion are urging their co-religionists to end anti-coronavirus restrictions and expose themselves to the Covid-19 virus in order to martyr themselves with the goal of increasing their leader’s power. A protest organizer, Sharpie Bellicose, went a step further. “I’m glad to die to help Trumpianity. But before I die, I intend to infect at least three Democrats. That way my martyrdom will be really useful.” read more
With a face as straight as Ken Starr’s, Trump asked Palestinians to adopt laws “protecting against financial and political corruption.” He did this while standing next to Benjamin Netanyahu, who, that same day, had been indicted on charges of bribery, fraud and breach of trust in three different cases of corruption.read more
President Donald Trump announced that he will be creating a new religion, Trumpianity, which will be aligned with mainstream Evangelical Christianity, but will be overlaid with his own teachings. Trump tweeted that he is infallible and everything he says has to be believed. People who disagree with him will be considered heretics, and Christians who refuse to convert to Trumpianity will be treated as apostates. “I like the way they do it in Saudi Arabia,” Trump explained.read more
